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I could feel the depression settling in. It’s being a year and a half since I lost my husband of fifty-two years. Walking is my way of dealing with that feeling of depression and loss. It’s where I feel my connection to the light within me, the insights and the guidance I need to know in the moment. Within the walk I connected with a fear that was arising within me. The fear of being disloyal to our relationship that I had survived this far without my husband. We had always been a support to each other. We did most things together. Then I was left alone to deal with all that we had shared throughout our life together.

The feeling of being disloval came in when I realised that I had survived this year and a half doing our life as it had been together on my own. As I walk on connecting with the feeling of being disloyal I began to feel that I had been disloyal to myself as well within the marriage by not fully embracing my own strengths more. That at times I allowed my husband to be my strength in some areas of our lives and hadn’t tapped into my own strengths enough. Now in life without him I am learning the strengths I have more of within myself and that is something to celebrate and not to be depressed about.

I am a firm believer that life has a way of showing you more about yourself as we grow older. Once we step into adulthood and step out into life as that adult challenges come our way to help us evolve into better human beings and grow beyond where we were before that challenge arrived. When I look back now over the last year and a half I was challenged in ways I hadn’t been challenged before and am still being challenged with each day that passes in new ways.

Grief is a process. When we accept it and acknowledge the pain it brings to us, it can show us so many things about ourselves that we would never have realised before the loss of those we loved. This is a journey I am embracing. Acknowledging the love I had in my life brings the knowledge of the love I have within myself too. Learning new ways of being for myself brings out new strengths I didn’t know I had, and helps me feel I am carrying not only my strengths but those of my husband as well, for without him in my life I wouldn’t have known how to continue to keep myself afloat financially, and lovingly in other ways as well.

For those of you who are only starting out after loosing someone you loved, remember that grief takes its own time. There is not time limit on grief. Go gently with yourself, allow yourself to grieve in your own way, and find your strengths and celebrate them. You already possessed them, now its time to let them be more part of your life.

Love and light

Teresa

Within us all we carry unhealed pieces of ourselves. These unhealed pieces of ourselves show up in how we put ourselves down at times, in how we feel about ourselves and in turn how we then treat ourselves. As children we carry how others threated us throughout our childhood. Some of these experiences leave us feeling good about ourselves and others break the spirit of our true nature. The same thing can happen to us as we move into adulthood and get into relationships with others especially if those relationships are of a toxic nature.

I remember always feeling blessed as a child that I had good parents, that I had a home to live in and to be part of a family who I thought loved me. When I was in my middle thirties I began to be overwhelmed with memories of a childhood that I had supressed for all those years of being sexually abused as that child. It was the biggest wound in my life because when I remembered these times I realised that I, as an adult ,was abusing myself in similar ways in the relationships I was in at the time. How to heal from that wound I had no idea and that led me on my search to find the answers that I needed to heal. In the remembering I felt as inner peace that came with the remembering as it made sense to me of how I was living my life and not feeling the joy of the life I was living. Remembering brought home to me the reality of who I was as that child and the truth of how I really felt as that child.

There was whispers within my adult life that I chose to ignore and each time I ignored those whispers my unhappiness grew until I couldn’t ignore them any more. They were screaming at me to be heard and to be set free and in turn set me free form the pain I was causing myself. Are there whispers in your life that you are choosing to ignore? Are you feeling the pain of ignoring the whispers? When we lean into these whispers and allow them to show us the insights that they are giving us is when we begin our journey to the healing we need to help us create a more loving, peaceful and fulfilling life.

How do we do this? One of the first ways is to listen especially if those thoughts and insights are recurring ones. The first time you get a thought or insight you may dismiss it and then it comes again. You dismiss it a second time, you resist it and push it further down within yourself and by the third time it comes it arrives as a pain or illness within your body. The first time you have that insight or thought is to check it out. Take some time to ask if it is true. Listen not only to the answer in your mind but also to how you feel within you body with this thought, the sensations and the feelings. Is there some sense in what this thought or insight is conveying to you. Is it something you truly believe about yourself or is it something that was said or done to you throughout your childhood or in later relationships.

Second thing to ask is what is the message in this for you? Why do you need to hear it now? Messages come in the form of thoughts or feelings from our soul. They are there to guide us towards our healing and to living the life we desire. So when we listen and question we find ways to bring healing to those areas of our lives that are causing us pain and taking us away from fully experiencing all that life has to offer us. Others in our lives have given us messages about ourselves that are not necessarily true. As children we are like sponges and we take it all in and don’t question and we learn from others what their meaning of love, life and peace is when it may not be the same for us.

The third thing after we have questioned if it is true and the message that is being given us is to embrace it with compassion especially if it is something that doesn’t ring true for us. We can beat up on ourselves for how we have been taught to be, and in turn how we have held on to someone else’s version of who we are or should be. Imagine taking that part of yourself into your heart, and sending it the love it needs to heal it and to move on from it.

When we embrace the wounded parts of ourselves with compassion we ease the pain we have carried and lived with and we step into a new journey that embraces love in its highest form. Within us all is a spirit that guides us to the best version of ourselves. Open your heart and listen. There is a beauty inside of you that is longing to be brought forth and in the listening it arises.

Love and light

Teresa

In the Journey of the unhealed child I guide my readers through the maze of acknowledging and confronting sexual abuse they experienced as children. By relating from my own personal experience, within this blog I aim to highlight the typical difficulties that can be faced by survivors as they uncover long-buried memories of their experience of childhood sexual abuse.

The memories, often fragments of dreams,flashbacks and body sensations, presented a reality to me that was painful and terrifying. Confronting this reality was challanging for me, as a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I grappled with the dissociation between the image I held of a normal childhood for so many years, to the unveiling of another truth of my childhood.

My journey began with a picotal moment of revelation. The door to the disassociated part of myself swung open, and the memories flooded in. My first challange was in having the courage to confront the long-buried memories and the trauma that came with remembering.

Remembering is not a linear process; it was an overwhelming tide that engulf me as it can other survivors. I franticly wanted it to be over quickly, wanted to escape from the re-emergence of the trauma. My challange was to navigate this emotional roller-coaster while maintaining a foothold in the present.

I needed a safe and supportive environment to process what I was remembering and this is a crucial step for any survivor’s healing. My secure space was in therapy and it was a secure space for me to begin my healing. Having a safe haven I could reteat to during the turbulent times of remembering helped me to process all that was coming up for me.

Living through the daily challanges of trauma required a delicate balance. Managing the symptons of trauma helped me feel the safety and support I needed for deeper healing. I needed to integrate the lessons I was learning in therapy into my daily life.

Resistence is a natural response during times of crisis. I encountered that resistence within myself for some time. It manifested as doubt, denial, and a desire to escape. When I acknowledged and worked through the resistance of rememering it was a challange for me to do so and yet at the other side of that resistence was the healing I craved.

Sharing my truth with others, especially family members, was another challange. The resistence from others in believing what I was saying as my truth left me feeling isolated at times. The need for external support is the key and essential to going forward and dealing with the memories of a forgotten childhood. As the layers of trauma were revealed, I gained the strength in admitting my own struggles throughout my life in relationships and at times asking for the help I needed to heal. Although the journey was tough at times, I am glad that I embarked upon the journey as it lead to the healing I needed, a better sense of self and a revitalized sense of my own being.

Emotional needs are different for us all. It is important that you take the time to write what emotional needs are important for you and then find the solutions that aid you creating how to met those emotional needs. It’s usually within a relationship that we find that our emotional needs are not being met. It is important for the relationship to have your emotional needs met and also those of your partner, friend or spouse. There is an honesty is knowing your emotional needs and in knowing them how you would like them to be met and to recognise that at times others may not be able to meet your needs and that you may have to meet them for yourself. No one person can meet all of your emotional needs just like you are at times not able to meet anothers. So it is important to prioritise what emotional needs you want within the relationships you have and to have a variety of others who can meet your other emotional needs for you.

Take the time today to write down and identify what emotional needs that are not being met for you and why it is important to you to have them met. Take some time to sit with what you have written and see how to communicate and resolve not having these emotional needs met and how by identifying these needs and how to resolve them can help you in getting those emotional needs met.

The light within us all is guiding us towards our highest good and to bring the love we desire into our lives. When we align with the image of God of loving, kind and compassionate then we look for how our emotional needs can be met that align with that image and allow those who align with those values to be part of our lives thus creating those values not only to live within us but to also surround us bringing more love and light into our world.

There’s a light that burns brightly within us all. This can be blocked at times by our experiences in our lives especially if those experiences cause us pain. When we lean into the pain and discover where lies the pain we can ususally find an emotional need that hasn’t been met within us. Our emotional needs are feelings of wanting to connect for example and not been able to do so because of the fear we hold within us of a past experience that created a hurt within us that stopped us from making the connections we wanted to make. Identifying a time when this emotional need wasn’t met and understanding why this emotional needd is important to you can help you communicate and find a solution to having this emotional need being met in your life today.

Supporting a loved one through trauma recovery is a delicate and compassionate endevour. My own journey, as detailed in my book “The Journey of the Unhealed Child”, serves as a reminder of the challenges survivors face. In this blog, I will explore practival and empathetic ways for friends, family, and allies to support someone going through trauma recovery.

EDUCATE YOURSELF:

Before offering support, take the time to educate yourself about trauma and its effects. Within my book I shed light on the complexities of trauma recovery. I emphasize the importance of understanding the psychological and emotional impact. Knowledge fosters empathy and equips allies to provide more informed and sensitive support.

PRACTICE ACTIVE LISTENING:

Listening is a powerful tool in supporting a loved one through trauma recovery. My own experiences reveal the significance of active listening – being fully present, without judgement, and allowing the survivor to share their feelings and thoughts. Actively listening validates their experiences and helps create a safe space for expression.

RESPECT BOUNDARIES

Recognize and support the survivor’s boundaries. Trauma recovery involves navigating intense emotions, and survivors may need space at times. My own journey highlights the importance of allowing survivors to set their boundaries, promoting a sense of auonomy and control over their healing process.

OFFER CONSISTENT SUPPORT

Trauma recovery is not a linear process, and survivors may experience ups and downs. Consistency in support is crucial. My own story emphasizes the value of allies who stay committed, offering unwavering support through the fluctuations of the healing journey.

AVOID JUDGEMENT

Judgement-free support is essential for survivors. My own story underscores the impact of societal stigma and misconceptions surrounding trauma. Allies can contribute to a healing environment by refraining from judgement, understanding that each survivor’s journey is unique, and avoiding blame or shame.

ENCOURAGE PROFESSIONAL HELP:

Acknowledge the limitations of personal support and encourage seeking professional help. My own experiences demonstrate the transformative impact of therapy in trauma recovery. Allies can play a vital role in motivating survivors to connect with mental health professionals who specialize in trauma.

VALIDATE FEEINGS:

Validating a survivor’s feelings is integral to the healing process. My own journey illustrates the power of validation in helping survivors make sense of their experiences. Allies can provide reassurance by acknowledging the survivor’s emotions withour minimizing or dismissing them.

BE PATIENT:

Healing take time, and patience is a virtue in supporting a loved one through trauma recovery. Within my book I highlight the gradual nature of healing, emphasizing the need for allies to remain patient, understanding that the survivor’s pace is essential for their well-being.

Supporting a loved one through trauma recovery requires empathy, education, and a commitment to understanding the intricacies of the healing journey. Within my own story I hope I serve as a guide for allies as I illustrate the impact of supportive companionship on the path to healing. By incorporating these practices into their approach, friends, family and allies can contribute to a compassionate and empowering support system, fostering resilience and facilitation the survivor’s journey toward reclaiming their sense of self and agency.

DECISIONS USUALLY DON’T FALL FROM HEAVEN, BUT YOU CAN COUNT ON GOD’S INDWELLING GUIDANCE

In built in all of us is a gracious inner guidance that guides us towards our true selves. We need to listen to it and trust it . It is the presence of your soul in us and guided by the God in us. It is better and more reliable than what others tell us what we should or shouldn’t do. It is what leads us to true inner peace, to better connect with ourselves and others. It helps us discover the unique aspects of ourselves and the contribution, which is our calling to help within the world. TRUST is at the centre of this guidance.

DECISION: NOT TO MAKE A DECISION IS ALSO A DECISION. INDECISIVENESS EATS UP YOUR ENERGY

Often we make decisions to please others, to gain their support or to avoid their disapproval. Before making a decision ask yourself ‘Does this satisfy me deep down? Is it truly good for me and others? Remember that in making a decision we can’t have it every way. Saying Yes to something is also saying no to something else. This can be hard, but with our yes, we are letting our life in us unfold more.

FEELINGS; BRING YOU HEAD AND YOUR HEART TOGETHER. WHICH OPTION RESONATES MORE DEEPLY IN YOUR HEART EVEN THOUGH IT MIGHT CHALLANGE YOU.

Sometimes we can be drawn to a particular course of action with enthusiasm. Later on only to be struck by how daunting and challenging that cho

to